5771 פרשת חיי שרה

 In this week’s Parsha the Torah describes to us how Avraham had sent his servant Eliezer to find a wife for his son Yitzchak. The Torah continues to describe how Eliezer when he came to the city of Aram Naharayim where Avraham had told him to go find a wife for Yitzchak, prayed to God to help him choose the right girl. He prayed that the girl to whom he would ask for water and will respond to him that she will also give his camels to drink will be the girl that is meant to be Yitzchak’s wife.

 The Torah describes how after Rivka came and offered not only to draw water for Eliezer but also to draw water for all of his camels and then continued to draw all the water, Eliezer gave Rivka two rings and asked her if her father had room for him to sleep. At that time the Torah tells us that Rivka had a brother named Lavan who came running to greet Eliezer at the well.

 The Siforno explains that the reason Lavan ran to see Eliezer was that he wanted to see the wealthy guest that came to the city. He was not at all considering inviting Eliezer into his house as a guest.

 However, the Torah then tells us that when Lavan saw the jewelry on Rivka’s hand and heard Rivka’s words about what Eliezer told her he went over to Eliezer with the intention of inviting him into the house.

 The Siforno explains what Lavan saw that caused him to decide to invite Eliezer into the house. He explains that it was two factors. The first one was that since he saw that Eliezer had given jewelry to his sister Rivka he felt that it would be considered a lack of recognition of the good Eliezer did for his sister while the second one was that Eliezer already had asked Rivka if her father had room for them to stay.

 If we look at this Siforno a little bit closer, we can ask the following question. Why would Lavan feel that it would be ungrateful not to invite Eliezer into the house just because Eliezer gave Rivka the jewelry, why would that create a feeling in Lavan that he must reciprocate for that, he did not get any benefit from that gift.

 The answer can be that we don’t fully appreciate the extent that a person must feel gratitude for the actions of another person. This is true even if the benefit received is not to him directly but rather to someone he is close to. This is what caused Lavan to feel the need to reciprocate to Eliezer even though the benefit received was not directly his.

 This is important for us in our daily lives. God is constantly doing good for us in our lives but also for our families and friends. The more we appreciate all the good God does to our extended families the more we should feel a need and desire to keep the Mitzvos which is what God wants from us.

 5770 פרשת חיי שרה

 In this week’s Parsha, the Torah describes to us how Avraham Avinu sent his servant Eliezer to Aram Naharayim to find a wife for his son Yitzchak. When Eliezer first came to the city, he took his camels to the well just outside the city when it was time for the women to come out and draw water from the well. Eliezer then asked God to assist him in finding the right person to be the wife of Yitzchak. He said that the girl who comes to the well to whom he asks to please lift up the pitcher to give him water to drink and she says I will give you to drink and the camels to drink, that would be the person who will be the appropriate wife for Yitzchak.

 When Rivka actually comes to the well, the Torah describes to us how Eliezer ran towards her and asked her if she could please give him a little bit of water to drink.

 The Ohr Hachayim notes that when Eliezer asked God to help him find the right wife for Yitzchak, he said “the one who I ask to lift up the pitcher to give me water to drink” will be the one appropriate for Yitzchak. However, when he actually met a potential prospect all he asked her for was a little drink and not to put in the effort of lifting the pitcher for him to drink. The Ohr Hachayim asked why is it that Eliezer did not ask Rivka the question he said he would in his prayer to God?

 The Ohr Hachayim answers that when Eliezer saw Rivka approaching the well, he saw the water rise to her. When he saw that, he knew that she must be from the family of Avraham Avinu. Due to the fact that Rivka was potentially a suitable match for Yitzchak Avinu, Eliezer did not want to risk missing out on the perfect match for Yitzchak due to the conditions he set. It is for this reason that he minimized his request to Rivka.

 If we look at this Ohr Hachayim a little more closely we can ask the following question. If the original condition of the prayer was correct and he had faith that God would answer him then why did he not ask Rivka to help him based on the conditions in his prayer and if the condition he made was not important why did he make it to begin with. Furthermore, if he did make his original prayer based on his original condition, why would he assume that just because Rivka passed the lower level request that she was the appropriate one to be Yitzchak’s wife, maybe there would have been a different girl that passed the original condition of his prayer which was really the appropriate wife for Yitzchak?

 The answer would seem to be that Eliezer realized that the condition he made in his prayer may not have been the correct one. In truth, the idea behind the condition, he felt was correct which was that only someone who was a true baalas chesed could be part of the house of Avraham Avinu but even someone who would have given him a small amount of water without holding the pitcher for him and then offered to give water to the camels would still fit into what would be considered a baalas chesed. Once he realized his error and he saw that God had immediately after his prayer sent someone who was from the family of Avraham Avinu (due to the fact that the water rose to meet her), he did not want to take the chance that his original condition was wrong and lose out on the wife for Yitzchak

 We see an incredible idea here. Even Eliezer who was a very big Tzadik who in the midst of making a tremendously important request from God did not completely think through the content of the prayer which caused him to have to change his actions from the conditions he set out in his prayer. We can learn from here the importance of thinking a matter through before we speak or act. If we can concentrate on really thinking about things properly before we act we should merit always doing the correct thing.

 5769 פרשת חיי שרה

 In this week’s Parsha the Torah tells us of the mission that Avraham Avinu sent his servant Eliezer, which was to find a wife for his son Yitzchak. The Torah describes to us how when Eliezer arrived at a well in Aram Narayim, he prayed to God saying that the girl, who when I ask her for a drink will not only acquiesce but also offer to draw water for all of the camels, should be the future wife of Yitzchak Avinu. The Rabbeinu Bechai quotes a famous Gemara that says the following:

 There were three people who requested something in an improper manner. Two of them were answered properly and one was not. Who were these three people? They were Eliezer, Shaul Hamelech and Yiftach Hagiladi. 

When we look at this Chazal we need to understand why, if all three of them requested something in an incorrect manner, two of them were nevertheless answered “properly” and one was not?

 In order to answer this question we must first analyze each request separately and what was improper about it.

 The request of Eliezer was improper since he had no way of knowing if this unknown girl had a disability that that would make her not an appropriate match for Yitzchak. He was answered “properly” and God brought him Rivka.

 Shaul Hamelech said that who ever defeats Goliath will be able to marry his daughter. He had no way of knowing if that person would be a mamzer and not permitted to marry his daughter. Nevertheless, he was answered “properly” and God brought him Dovid Hamelech.

 The last one was by Yiftach. Before he went to battle, he said “ if I am victorious, the first thing that comes out of my door I will bring as a Korban to God.” He had no way of knowing what would come out of his house. It could have been something impure which was prohibited to bring as a Korban. He was not answered “properly” and God had his daughter be the first one who came out of his house.

 So now, what is the difference between the first two requests and the third request?

 The answer could be that the first two requests related to a need of the individual while the last one was meant to be a repayment of sorts to God. Let us explain this a bit further. When Eliezer and Shaul Hamelech made their requests, even though they should have thought through the situation better and verbalize their requests in the proper way, both of them had complete trust in God that He would supply for them exactly what they needed. It is for this reason that God supplied for them exactly what they were really expecting.

 Yiftach on the other hand was making a promise to God to bring as a sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house. The reason this request was not answered “properly” is that Yiftach was not requesting anything from God and putting his faith in God that he would get a good result, rather he was trying to thank God for helping him defeat his enemies and by not thinking through what he said showed that on some level he did not fully appreciate what God did for him and how a person must really thank God.

 There are three lessons we can learn from this Gemara. The first one is that a person before speaking should think about what they are about to say. The second idea is that a person should have complete faith in God that he will help find his way. All that he has to do is ask. The third idea is that a person must fully appreciate what it is God does for us on a constant basis and what kind of thanks we constantly need to express to God both through our prayers and the way we live our lives.

פרשת חיי שרה 5768

 In this week’s Parsha the Torah describes to us how Eliezer was sent by Avraham Avinu to find a wife for Yitzchak. We see that Eliezer asked God to help him choose the proper wife for Yitzchak. He requested that the girl, to whom he asked for some water to drink, who responded that not only will I give you water to drink but I will also give water to your camels will be the girl who will be the wife for Yitzchak.

 The Pasuk when describing the prayer of Eliezer to God says the following:

Behold I will stand at the edge of the well when the daughters of the city come to draw water.

 The Chizkuni is bothered by the following question.

 Chazal tell us that what Eliezer was trying to insure with this test is that the girl would be a kind person who would be worthy to join the family of Avraham Avinu; why did Eliezer pick a test that would occur at the well to see if the girl is worthy of being the wife of Yitzchak and not having the girl do some act of kindness for him in her house.

 The Chizkuni answers the following way:

 To check her actions if she is worthy because all of her actions at the well will be from her wisdom but what she does in the house is not from her wisdom but rather from the wisdom of her relatives that commanded her to do it.

 What the Chizkuni seems to be saying is that the actions that a person does in the street is done through their own thought process while the actions done at home relate to what their relatives tell them to do but they do not show her true traits.

 However, we can ask the following question on this Chizkuni.

 As we mentioned earlier, the trait that Eliezer was testing was the trait of kindness. If a person is not inherently kind, then even if someone tells them to do an act of kindness they will not do it properly with a smile or with energy, so the question comes back, why did Eliezer make the test at the well, do it in the house and see how the girl does the act of kindness? That alone would be able to show Eliezer that she would be a true Baalas chesed.

 The answer can be based on the following idea. We know there is a concept brought down in the Torah of being  one in the mouth and one in the heart – meaning that a person speaks and acts nicely in front of a person, but in his heart and behind his back he hates that person and would even endeavor to hurt him.  This is a very big sin since a person doesn’t know to protect himself since he thinks that you are his good friend.

 We see from here that a person has the potential no matter his true feelings (hate is one of the most powerful emotions), to completely mask his feelings and show the exact opposite emotion.

 We can now use this idea to explain theChizkuni. One of the most natural emotions and desires a person has is to be loved and appreciated by the people around him. Due to this desire if a person knows that their relative (in those days extended families lived together) wants them to do something, they will be able to do it as if it was the greatest thing in the world even if inside they might even despise the action. This is why Eliezer asked God to make the test at the well, where the girl is away from all the other influences and feels free to act on her own feelings and desires. Only if the girl came to the ideals of kindness through her own intellect (even through being taught – not just parroting the actions) will she really be considered a Baalas chesed whose whole life is kindness. This could also be why the Chizkuni uses the word her wisdom – since to have a character trait internalized it must come from her own wisdom and feelings.

 We can learn a very important lesson from this Chizkuni. When we try to give over something important that we want people to inculcate in their lives, we must try to make them really feel it themselves. If we just tell them to do something, even if they seem to always be doing it with a smile in front of us, we may be fooling ourselves into believing that they will do it always even if we are not there. Whether it is our children or students or employees or friends, when we try to give over ideals it must be in a way that they appreciate the ideal and want to do it on their own volition and not just to please us.

 5767 פרשת חיי שרה

 In this week’s Parsha the Torah tells us the events that surrounded the search by Eliezer for a wife for Yitzchak. The Torah tells us that when Eliezer came to Aram Naharayim he asked God for assistance in finding the perfect wife for Yitzchak. He asked that the person from whom he would request a drink from their pail who would not only agree but also offer to draw water for all of his camels would be the wife for Yitzchak. We all know the miraculous events that occurred and God sent Rivka who fulfilled all these conditions to Eliezer.

 When Eliezer went with Rivka to the house of her father Besual, Eliezer insisted that before he would sit down and eat he had to find out if Besual would allow him to take Rivka to be the wife of Yitzchak or else he would have to go elsewhere to find a wife forYitzchak. Eliezer then proceeded to relate all the miracles that occurred to him until that point and when he asked Besual if he would agree to let Rivka marry Yitzchak, the Pasuk relates the following :

Basically, Lavan and Besual answered that this is from God and we have nothing to say good or bad we just have to go along with it.

 A few Pesukim later the Pasuk says the following:

  Her mother and brother said.

 On this Pasuk, Rashi says the following:

Since the Pasuk  says that only her brother and her mother said that means Besual wasn’t there, so where was he? Rashi answered that he tried to prevent Rivka from going and an angel killed him.

 The obvious question can be asked here if just 3 Pesukim earlier we saw that Besual said that this definitely came from God and there is nothing I can say about it and right afterwards he tries to stop it. How can it be, how can someone who came to the realization that God performed a huge miracle here suddenly turn around and try to stop what he just agreed was the will of God?

 I believe that the answer can be seen from an earlier Rashi. When Besual originally responded to Eliezer and said ” It is from God” says the following:

 ”It is from God according to what you told me”

The last 4 words of Rashi are the keys to answering our question.

 Besual told Eliezer that from your words describing the events that occurred to you it was definitely from God.

 The idea here is that if a person does not come to the realization of God through their own actions and thought process the feeling just doesn’t stick. This is what happened to Besual. He heard about all these miraculous events from Eliezer and even though intellectually he might have realized at the time that it was a miracle since he didn’t come to the realization by himself it just did not stick. This is why so soon after Besual heard about the miracles that occurred to Eliezer he was able to turn around and try to prevent what was the obvious will of God.

 We see a similar idea also in the explanation of the Rabbeinu Yonah on Avos. The Mishna says the following:

 ”If I am not for me, who will be for me ”

 Rabbeinu Yonah on this line says the following:

 The idea in this Mishna is that if a person doesn’t rebuke and inspire themselves than who can inspire him since the inspiration of another person is only temporary.

 This is a very important lesson for all of us. We have to realize that if we want to change and grow in ourservice of God, the impetus must come from within. No matter how many inspirational Dvirei Torah we hear we will not be able to really change ourselves unless we internally come to the realization that everything that happens to us is through the abundant kindness of God and that we have a responsibility to work on ourselves to serve God to the best of our ability.

 If we can just start on this road God will give us the heavenly assistance we need to be able to grow in our service of God and become closer to God.